Behind Blue Eyes...and a Margarita Glass

Rough Day

2012-01-24T16:19:00.000-05:00

Any time I have a rough day or feel down I will now play this video and laugh my butt off.

Skinny

2012-01-03T17:51:00.003-05:00

People who say "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" have obviously never tasted my mint brownies. That is all.

Magazine Friday

2012-01-02T22:25:00.001-05:00

I have a slight problem with hoarding magazines. I presently am the proud owner of 5 magazine subscriptions and I pick up at least two more at the store weekly. I have a vested interest (okay, an obsession) with celebrity gossip and food magazines. My obsession is so great The Hubs and I now have what we endearingly call "magazine Friday". Every Friday Hubs gets home from work and we load of Munchkin, head to Target Boutique and I peruse the weekly magazine rack. I get excited to see what selatious stories the tabloids have cooked up this week. You may think it's juvenile and crap but it's my weekly escape into a lifestyle none of us will know. Do I condone paps hounding celebrities and their families, no. But without a vested interest in their personal lives, half the celebrities wouldn't have a career (Kim Kardashian, anyone?)I do think many of them are silly. I frequently read an article about someone or read a quote they said and launch into a diatribe to The Hubs about why this particular celebrity is an idiot/egomaniac/not talented/shouldn't be famous. I hate the Kardashians (and I'm not one who hates them but still watches their ever-growing number of shows), think the divorce rate is disgusting, am annoyed by a vast majority of them, and have somewhat of an emotional attachment to celebrities I deem nice people despite being in showbiz.Not every magazine makes the cut either. In respect to the celebrity weeklies, I absolutely put my foot down if the cover story is something I know to be an all out fabrication (Brangelina weds! Jen Aniston says "leggo, I'm Preggo"! There was a secret Twilight Wedding!) Also, if the same story is on three covers I buy the "OK!" magazine. I deem "OK!" to be the most reputable of the more trashy celebrity magazines. The list goes as follows: "Us Weekly" (which I subscribe), "People Magazine" (which I SHOULD subscribe to but never got around to), "OK! Magazine", then "In Touch" and "Life and Style" are neck and neck, and "Star" brings up the bottom.I also subscribe to Cosmo, Marie Claire, Glamour, and Food Network Magazine. With The Munchkin I have very little time to read the magazines I love let alone the ones I subscribe to so there's a large stack of unread magazines in our guest room. I look at it as something for our guests to read in their room since we have yet to hook up the t.v. in that room. I get around to reading them once in awhile. More on that later.So there you have it; why Friday is just a little sweeter for me.

You Said What?

2011-11-30T21:33:00.004-05:00

When someone you know has a preemie it's a hard time for everyone. The excitement, pomp and circumstance that usually surround a birth is absent. It's hard to know what to say to help the parents because you know nothing you say will make them feel better but you also don't want to say something stupid and make them feel worse. Here's some help:

-First and foremost, if you don't know what to say, for the love of God don't stay quiet. Nothing made us feel worse than people who just didn't say anything at all. In hindsight we know it was because they didn't know what to say but in the moment it felt like we were either ignored or Munchkin wasn't being celebrated. Yes he was early and it was scary but he was still born and that's still reason to celebrate. If you don't know what to say, say that! "I don't know what to say but congratulations and he/she is amazing. You are so strong and let me know if you need anything."

-Do NOT lead with "oh my gosh, he/she is so tiny" and leave it at that. The baby was early, the parents know the baby is tiny and don't need that constantly pointed out. However, if that's part of what is said it's okay. So tiny and cute, so tiny and feisty, so tiny and look at all that hair! These are all okay, pick a second adjective though and don't just stick with tiny.

-Sometimes just the offer of help means the most. The parents may or may not take you up on the offer but they'll know you're there if they need it. Trust me, some of the people I remember the most throughout our whole ordeal are the people who offered some sort of assistance every time I talked to them. There is one friend in particular that sticks out for me. Every single time I talked to her she would offer a shoulder to cry on. Every time I logged in to Facebook I would have a message from her reminding me if I needed to talk she'd be there for me. I can't explain to you how much that still means to me. I never took her up on it because I wanted to just crawl into my shell and put on a brave front, but I thought about it almost every day.

-DO NOT forget they had a baby and there is cause for celebration. Send a card, flowers, balloons, or whatever you would've sent had the baby been full-term. Don't be overenthusiastic about the birth but don't be too depressing either.

Above all else, be a sounding board. You won't be able to honestly feel what they feel or know the emotion that goes into it. You won't understand a lot of the medical things that are said. But the best think you can do is listen and be a shoulder if that person decides to open the flood gates to you.

Thankful

2011-11-24T21:16:00.004-05:00

I thought I would do a Thanksgiving blog this year since there is so, so much to be thankful for.
This year I'm thankful for:

-The roof over our heads and the fact we can afford the roof and have me stay home with Munchkin.

-The Hubs who works so hard to provide for us so we don't have to worry about anything.

-Our health. A cliche, yes, but this year it's true. Health has taken on a whole new meaning after last December and I am so grateful to be here, healthy and able to live life as normal once again. Graham's health is better every day and considering where he came from, that in and of itself it amazing.

-My family. I have become closer to my parents in a way I never thought I would. Being a parent has given me a new appreciation for my mom and dad and the sacrifices they made to make my and my sister's life better. They have been an amazing source of strength for me over the last few years and never more so than when I've been at my weakest. They raise me up. My sister and brother are amazing. My sister is such an inspiration to me and the fact that she relishes being an aunt warms my heart. She had her first semester law school finals while I was in the hospital and no one told her how seriously ill I was. When she found out how bad it was she was PISSED. I love her for that. :)

-The nurses and doctors at St. Joseph Mercy that saved our lives last year. My nurses: Carrie and Carol who snuck me popsicles when I was tired of ice chips and snuck me to the NICU to meet Munchkin when the docs said no. Munchkin's nurses and doctors, especially: Carrie, Jill, Amy, and Cammie, Dr. Ivacko and Dr. Weiner. They all took a special interest in Munchkin and treated him like family. He wasn't just a patient to them, he was their own child or grandchild and they fought tooth and nail and stayed long past their shifts to help and brainstorm. I am forever in their debt for what they did for him.

-My friends, both old and new. I miss my friends in Colorado so much. I miss being a more physical presence in their lives but being away has really shown me who my real friends are and I cherish them. My new friends here in Michigan are a godsend. Sarah and Kasey have been a breath of fresh air and are so amazing. I would be friends with them even if we didn't have kids! Their friendship has made Michigan feel like home and the girl time I get with each of them is priceless. They've kept me sane and probably out of the looney bin a few times!

-And mostly, I'm thankful for The Hubs and Munchkin. Munchkin is my heart and soul and I never knew I could love someone as much as that little man. He melts my heart and I would've willingly given my life in those fateful days in December if it meant he got to grow up big and strong. Every thing he does is amazing to me because it almost didn't happen; because every breath, laugh, bottle, piece of food, crawl is something that almost wasn't. And The Hubs; we've had our ups and downs like all married couples but he's been there to hold me up (literally and figuratively) over the past 11 1/2 months and has been my cheerleader. He sees the positive when all I want to see is the negative. He takes Munchkin and tells me to go get a manicure/haircut/buy a book/get coffe, etc. He gets up early on the weekends so I can catch up on sleep. He understands that even though I don't have a job outside the home, what I do at home is still hard and time consuming and exhausting. He's an amazing Dad to that little boy.

I hope everyone else had a good Thanksgiving and remember it's not JUST about the amazing food; it's about coming together with the people you love and appreciating what you do have, however much or little that may be.

You Can Laugh in here Ya Know

2011-11-19T11:37:00.003-05:00

The hospital chaplain does rounds in the NICU for parents who want to pray with her and have them pray over your baby. I developed a relationship with our chaplain because I was there every day while she did her rounds and we would end up chit-chatting. She is a very nice, gentle woman and was such a huge help in me keeping my faith when I was so mad at God but still needed his help.

There's one particular morning I will never forget. It was just like any other day. I arrived at the hospital, walked through the lobby, took the elevator to the third floor. I checked in at the NICU desk and they buzzed me through. I walked down the hallway as the smell of sterile hit my nose. My heart still races when I think of that smell. I turned right and stopped dead in my tracks.

Munchkin was sleeping in his isolette but the chaplain and the head nurse practitioner were sitting at his bedside. My heart stopped. They always bring in the chaplain when they need to break bad news and this particular nurse practitioner was close to us. Tears started to sting my eyes; my heart was not beating. They were going to tell me Munchkin took a turn for the worse and they're going to tell me to call the Hubs to be here. I was so scared but I forced myself to walk over there.

I took a deep breath right before they would turn around to give me "the look" and the awful news.

Amy, the NP, turned to see me and....smiled? "Oh, hey Katy. How are you this morning?" What?

"I'm fine...what's...is Munchkin okay?"

"Oh he's fine. Betty just stopped by to drop something off for you and knew you'd be here soon so she waited and we got to chatting."

Moral of the story: If you work in a NICU and just want to "chat" with a religious leader, DO IT AWAY FROM THE BEDSIDE OF THE BABY!!

We all had a good laugh after that and they felt so bad they scared me like that, but it became an inside joke with the three of us. Oh dear lord.

After that, the NICU started to become more of a normal place for me to be every day.

Welcome to the NICU

2011-11-17T21:27:00.008-05:00

Do you want to know what life is like in the NICU?

This song by Rascal Flatts sums it up nicely.

"Stand"
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
________________________________________

Every day in the NICU is a fight. Every drive there and every drive home is gut wrenching. Every alarm that goes off makes your heart stop and makes panic set in even when it's not your baby alarming. Every time you see a baby go home you’re happy but it’s hard to watch because you’re jealous. Every time a new baby fills that bed it shatters your heart. You want to hug the parents and tell the mom in the wheelchair with the hospital gown on that she’ll be alright but the fight of her life is ahead of her.

You feel beaten down all the time. You feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and feel like you have nowhere to turn, no one to understand what this is like, alone and helpless. You can literally feel your heart breaking and your throat hurts from stifling the tears so the NICU staff doesn’t have to pull the curtain because you're a crying basket case…again. Like the song says, you are bent until you break, until you’re literally down on your knees. You think and feel like you just do not have the strength to move on, no strength to spend one more day in that hospital, to spend one more day sanitizing yourself just so you can touch your son, to make the drive home without your baby again and again. You feel like you have no control as you sit there and literally will you child to take a breath when you can see his stats dropping and you know he's forgotten to breathe again. "Come on baby, take a breath. Take a breath; come on, don't alarm. Take a breath." Then the alarm goes off...fuck.

It's the most helpless you've ever felt in your life. Your child is having a hard time taking a deep breath. He keeps "bradying" (where his heart rate drops). He's in his isolette and all you can do is look at him and cry because he's struggling and there's absolutely nothing you can do for him.

You feel like you want to quit, like this can’t possibly be your life, that it’s not your child in intensive care. You want to scream at God, “why did you let this happen to us? Why are we the ones singled out to have this road no parent should ever have to experience?”

You are irrationally jealous of moms bringing their babies home 3 days after birth. It feels like every day you show up to see your son a new mom with a big happy grin is leaving the hospital with their baby. And it's a giant kick in the heart every time. You learn to look at your phone or keep your head down as you walk in because you just can't see that one more time and have people watch you cry as you walk through the lobby.

But when you’re down on your knees and feel like you just can’t do it, you wipe the tears, take a deep breath and pause. You close your eyes and think of the 2lb 7oz dynamo that needs you that is doing everything he can to fight every single second since the day he was born. You know he’s counting on you to be as strong as he’s been in the face of so much adversity. You take another breath, stand up, brush yourself off, and take the step you didn’t think you could. You find new strength and get your second (or 10th or 57th) wind and say, “I can do this today. Just think about today and I’ll worry about tomorrow tomorrow.”

But it's not all terrible. Those stories come tomorrow. :) Here's a snuggle picture to prove it.

Hello, My Name is Mommy

2011-11-08T19:52:00.005-05:00

I had an emergency c-section with Munchkin. I was quickly prepped and wheeled to the surgery room. I shook the whole time. My mind was completely blank.

While they prepped me they stressed to me and Hubs that most likely the Munchkin wouldn't cry when he came out. Everyone knows that a crying newborn is a healthy one but since he was so early they had no idea what shape he would be in and if he could even breathe on his own. They told us over and over, "just because he doesn't cry doesn't mean he's dead. We'll let you know how he is within a minute or so but don't freak out when he doesn't cry."

Back to the O.R., the doctors are doing their thing and say "okay here he comes." Out he came and........the boy was screaming his head off! Granted he wasn't as loud as a regular baby, in fact he sounded like a little lamb. But a PISSED little lamb. He was crying and promptly peed on my doctor. It was the most glorious thing I'd ever heard and for the first time in days I shed a tear, a happy tear of all things.

As HELLP Syndrome goes, all .5% of us that get it generally get better after the baby is delivered. Well, apparently not me. I ended up getting worse and my blood pressure decided it wasn't done play tricks on me just yet. It continued to soar, my liver continued to become larger and my doctors decided I wasn't stable enough to go see Munchkin. For almost 4 days I relied on family members to bring me pictures and videos and updates.

The first picture I saw without his CPAP machine on I burst into tears; he looked exactly like Hubs. He had a full head of beautiful dark hair and the sweetest face. I loved him immediately and my heart literally ached. My heart was in my throat as I fought back tears.

My nurses were not satisfied with the fact the doctors wouldn't let me get wheeled down to the NICU so they took things into their own hands, literally. One nurse that took a special liking to me decided she wasn't okay with me not seeing Munchkin so she snuck me down one day to meet my son. I was jittery and nervous getting wheeled down the halls to the NICU.

When we entered I didn't know what to expect. I'd never been in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit before and I didn't know which miniature person in the isolette was mine. They wheeled me up to the side of Bay 10, right by the window and there he was. My son. My tiny, pink, bony, feisty, warm, sweet little Munchkin was right there in front of me. The little man who kicked me in the middle of the night, the boy I'd talked to for 7 months, and the baby who I almost died for. There he was.

I couldn't hold him but you're allowed to "tuck and contain". You put one hand on the top of their head and the other hand on their butt with their legs curled up into your palm. I couldn't help but cry in astonishment, he was alive, he was breathing on his own and, according to the nurses, he could get mad and throw one heck of a tantrum.

Nurse Jill said "hey little man, mama's here" and I smiled through my tears. That's how I met my boy.

So you're having a preemie...

2011-11-01T20:42:00.008-04:00

I'm not sure how other people react when they find out they're having their child early. I don't trust television or movies to be the guide in that because my reaction to hearing I was pregnant in the first place wasn't the tear-jerking, cheering, jumping-up-and-down reaction you see on t.v. I was in shock, utter shock. Munchkin was planned so we weren't shocked in that sense but one second you're just you and the next second there is a living thing inside you and you're going to be a parent. I cannot even begin to put into words the cataclysmic shift that happened in me the second I saw two lines, and I'm a writer so believe me, I've tried!

A thousand things ran through my mind; boy or girl, how big will I get, what will I look like 9-months pregnant, where will we live when I give birth, will I be a good mom, etc. etc.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that Hubs and I would have a preemie. If you know me, you know I'm a planner, a list maker, a plan-for-the-worst type of person. We moved to Michigan when I was 17 weeks pregnant and needed to find a new doctor and hospital. We picked a hospital about 30 minutes away because it's the best darn baby hospital in 3 states. I distinctly remember telling my husband it has the best NICU in the Great Lakes region, ya know, just in case. I also vividly remember telling him about my new doctor, "I want someone who will fight for my life if it comes to that. I want someone who will put their foot down and not care who they offend if my life is at stake." Little did I know, that's exactly what would happen word for word.

At 29-weeks my wonderful, amazing grandfather had just passed away after an awful four-year battle with Alzheimer's and dementia. I was quite upset so two days later when I thought I was having horrible heartburn I didn't think much of it since it had been a stressful few days. It got worse and we ended up at triage in the Labor and Delivery department. (The whole story is written in a previous post here)

After all the tests were run and we started realizing things were bad, the on-call doc came in and said the words that haunt me still: "We're hoping to keep your son in for 48 more hours."

Silence....I was stunned. I'm usually quite emotional and cry easily. In this situation I didn't cry. I was shocked and confused, scared of the unknown. I knew I was sick; in fact, I was dying. My body decided my pregnancy was a foreign threat, it couldn't get rid of it so it decided to start shutting down starting with the kidneys and liver soon to be followed by massive hypertension, a horrendous drop in platelets, and, if not treated, a stroke.

I didn't cry, I didn't panic. My mind was racing and blank all at the same time. I was sick, yes, but my son was in danger. HE was my priority, not myself. At this point it was fight or flight. Stay strong or panic and make things worse. I fought...and fought...and fought. They didn't think I'd make it 48 hours without delivering; I made it 4 days.

Neonatologists and NICU nurses came in to talk to Hubs and I about all the things our preemie could face after birth. Words I didn't understand or were too scary to comprehend were being thrown around like surfactant, ventilator, respiratory distress, brain bleeds, etc. All the horrible awful things that can happen to your preemie. I was only half listening partly because I was so drugged up and partly because I didn't want to hear it.

Every minute, every hour counts at that gestation. I fought until my body literally couldn't handle it anymore. I was poked and prodded, blood taken every 4 hours, reflexes tested, not allowed to eat, seeing double, a face of fire due to anti-stroke meds and I endured it all without panic or complaint. Nurses called me the Miracle Mama because I was still pregnant 4 days later. My doctor saw my body was no longer controllable with medicine and it began to fail no matter what they did. My doctor stood up for me and told the NICU doctors my body was shutting down and they needed to take Munchkin out; she was going to save my life and their job was going to start with my son.

My life changed forever on the Sunday I heard the words "we hope to keep your son in for 48 hours." And 4 days later on December 9, 2010 I officially became the mother to the sassiest damn preemie east of the Mississippi.

Prematurity Awareness Month

2011-11-01T18:20:00.004-04:00

November is Prematurity Awareness Month and this is obviously a cause near and dear to my heart. My munchkin was born at 29weeks 5days due to my very rare pregnancy syndrome. I plan on updating my blog every few days with a new fact about preemies or an experience we went through. I was going to try for every day but let's be serious, that's a lot of work!

This might be a little hard for me at times because I've mostly kept my feelings and experiences to myself and to a select few people. I'm a very emotional person but can be a private person when it comes to something that's a big deal. To the outside world it looks like I'm going through something hard but being strong. Internally and to only a few people I let myself fall apart.

The point of my preemie facts and stories on here and on my Facebook is not to bring people down or make people feel bad. There's also no cure for prematurity in most cases. This is a month about awareness. One in eight babies are born premature (before 37 weeks gestation) yet there's still a stigma that comes with having a preemie. This is to shed light on the plight of the preemie parent, what we go through, the adversity and dangers our child faces from the second they're born, and to let you in on how you can help or support someone newly in this position.

Having a preemie is horribly isolating. It feels like no one understands, you get irrationally angry and jealous at people who have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies, and no one really knows what to say or do. My goal this month is just to bring awareness so prematurity isn't such a forgotten topic.

IKEA is great, but...

2011-10-09T21:50:00.003-04:00

Don't get me wrong, I love IKEA just as much as the next lady. They have amazing storage ideas, low prices and innovative things you can't really find elsewhere. I like taking G-Man there, stroll around, gab with a friend, and pick up some much needed organizational items.

But besides the crazed people that drive hours to be there that take pictures in front of it; besides the women that push you out of the way with the giant carts because they're not paying attention; besides those things, let me tell you a little story.

The Hubs and I decided we wanted a new bed. The one we have is a king size and it was a hand-me-down four years ago. It's lumpy, uncomfortable and slopes to one side. I've been having trouble sleeping lately so we decided to treat ourselves to a new mattress, headboard and side tables.

"We'll go to IKEA," we say to each other. "They have great stuff."

We pack up G-Man and head to IKEA. We go to the mattress section and start picking out a new bed. About two beds into our laying down I realize just how many people have probably laid in those test beds....ick. As I make a mental note to burn my clothes when we get home, we decide on which bed we like the best. We tell the attendant and she prints us off a piece of paper. We look at her like she spoke Swahili. "What's this for? How much is delivery?" She looks at us just as perplexed and says "you bring this to the check-out and then set up delivery down there." Okay, fine.

Then we swing past the bedroom furniture department to pick out a frame. We find one we like and look on the back of the tag; it comes in three packages? Okay, fine. We write down the aisle number and bin of said packages and head downstairs.

We go to the aisle and bin and....nothing. It's not there. Some other bed is in that bin. We look in the next bin, and the next and the next. Nothing. We ask someone, they again look at us like we're idiots and say "well what bin number did the tag say?" I swallow my urge to be just as polite and sarcastic back (i mean, what sort of example is that for my son?) and tell her as nice as I possibly could that we checked that bin and it wasn't there. She tells me I must've written it down wrong. Of course, that MUST be what happened.

We finally, after 30 minutes of looking, find two of the three packages for this bed two aisles away from where it should've been. Then we realize we're missing some middle piece, we finally find that too. Now all we need to look for are the slats that go under the mattress. Another 20 minutes of looking and we still can't find the damn slats. I then realize G-Man has eaten half of the paper we needed to buy the mattress. Great. He smiles at me, so proud he has destroyed this piece of paper.

As we're looking for the slats we run into another customer who looks just as upset and disheveled as us at this point. He can find his damn bed either.

SUCCESS! We finally find the aisle and bin for the slats and....it's sold out? It's freakin' sold out. We track someone down and ask if they have more. He checks and says "we're out." No shit, sherlock. I ask, "when will you get more in?" Another call on the radio later we find out they have no idea when they'll get more in. FAN-tastic.

We ask how much delivery is going to be and we're told we need to go buy our stuff first THEN go to the delivery desk and they'll tell us. So you're telling me I have to buy all this stuff first THEN find out how much and when delivery is? Um, I think not.

At this point G-Man is getting crabby, no doubt that paper probably isn't sitting well, and we decide we can fit this stuff in the car and I'll look online really quick and see if we can just buy the slats from IKEA online. I look online...it's out of stock on there too?

I'm hot, pissed and starting to resent the last 2 hours we've spent in this damn store.

Long story short, if you go up to our room today you'll see our lumpy, uncomfortable, slanted, hand-me-down king-size bed.

Mom2Mom

2011-10-02T18:50:00.003-04:00

As a mom I'm always looking for good deals on gently used stuff for G-Man. I hate paying full price for something that he'll use or wear for a small amount of time. I read about celebrity kids who wear designer clothing, have nursery furniture worth tens of thousands of dollars, silk burp cloths, and chenille diapers. As someone who doesn't rely on nannies and doesn't have money to dry clean burp cloths, I rely on something called mom2mom sales. It's basically an indoor garage sale just for baby and kid stuff. I had heard about these sales and decided to check one out with a friend. I was expecting crazed moms dashing in the doors "Black Friday" style and chop-blocking each other for the last $1 pair of pants. I wore my tennis shoes just in case and contemplated bringing a bullet proof vest (I mean, we DO live in a Detroit suburb).

We arrive half asleep (it was 8am), coffee in hand, pay our $1 to get in, look up and start to hear the angels sing; aaaaaaaahhhhhhh. It's tables and tables of gently used baby things; $1 pajamas, $2 pairs of shoes, $2 pairs of pants. There are onsies as far as the eyes can see, toys from vintage to new-with-tags, books, holiday gear, strollers, and on and on and on. It's like our mecca...mom mecca.

We were overwhelmed and in awe of what we were seeing! We kept saying to each other "we wish we would've known about this sooner!" It was like we were "in", like it's this underground sale we need to exchange an egg to get directions for.

The best thing about the sales: it's every weekend at different locations all around the metro area.

In true Katy fashion, I made a list of things I needed to look for and although I definitely still have things I need, I totally scored.

G-Man now has:
two pairs of track pants
two pairs khakis
one pair of sweat pants
three pajamas
one Christmas pajama
a long underwear onsie
a BAG of about 15 pairs of socks
a Christmas sweater
a Playskool child-size grill that talks
a Dr. Seuss book
a Charlie Brown Christmas book
all for.........

$25 dollars total!

I'm totally going back. :)

What Gets Your Goat

2011-09-14T21:34:00.002-04:00

When you set the DVR to record something but the previous show run 2-3 minutes long, thus making you miss the last 2-3 minutes of your recorded show. Urg.

Owning

2011-09-02T21:49:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I hate owning a house. Yes it affords stability for your children, a nice place to call home, I can paint/hang/destroy/change anything I want, not care if the cats scratch the stairs. However I'm sick to death of sinking money into homes I know I'm not staying in for very long.

Moving in order to get promoted with The Hubs' job means we know we're probably not staying in Michigan forever, probably not even for two more years. Hell, maybe not even for ONE year. We were always planning on renting when his company moves us places but here in the Detroit area it's cheaper to rent not to mention there's no chance of being evicted from a rental we pay for every month.

Hindsight is 20/20 but man-oh-man we should've just rented. We were told the water damage in the basement was old and it had since been fixed. After the first major rain storm we found a small lake in our storage room in the basement so apparently fixed means "it's your problem now, suckers".

There's a small tree growing out the top of our chimney. Yes, a tree. At first it was funny, then the chimney guy told us the tree is a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem and basically "bend over, here's the bill".

We love our house, we do. But for every specialist I have to pry my wallet open for I love it less and less.

Annoyed With Food

2011-08-31T22:37:00.002-04:00

You may ask yourself, how can one be annoyed with food? I, for one, personally love food and have a love/hate relationship with it (as in I love food and hate that it makes me fat). However, living in Detroit I have come to loathe grocery shopping for several reasons. Reason #1: apparently people in gangs don't tend to grocery shop much and chains don't want to open stores in "the ghetto". This means I have one national grocery store chain to shop in that doesn't include Wal-Mart (which is a WHOLE other story). Just Kroger...and some insanely expensive local grocery stores. Just an FYI "big-chain-stores", there are people in Detroit suburbs that don't live in the ghetto! Where the hell am I supposed to get my food??

Reason #2: There is no "off" time to go grocery shopping to avoid the crowds. I've gone first thing in the morning, weekend evenings, late at night, week days. It doesn't matter. I run into old bitties who are worried that I'm going to cut in line at the deli counter, annoying women that park their carts in front of the WHOLE cheese section, people who will literally hip-check you to get to the last "buy-1-get-1" steak. And I can't do a damn thing about it here because as The Hubs says, "it's Detroit, they could shoot you."

Reason #3: Apparently The Hubs and I don't have "Michigan" taste in food. I have to go 20 minutes away to the fancy part of town in order to get the selection I need for just normal stuff we eat. Even Boulder Chips are in the "healthy" aisle. Really? The bags are next to the Kashi cereal and fruit leathers. I never thought I'd be one of "those" people where asking for fresh mozzarella and Boulder Chips elicited looks from store clerks that basically said I'm a Prius Driving, fabric bag toting, tree hugging hippy. What a difference 1400 miles makes. In Denver we were chastized because we didn't eat organic all the time or grow our own hemp to make clothes. Here, you may as well call me crunchy. Go figure.

Ten Things Tuesday (TWO days late)

2011-07-28T11:46:00.002-04:00

Whoops, two days late this time!

1. I really need to start focusing on working out now that Graham has a more predictable napping schedule.
2. I'm so glad it rained all night!
3. I believe the "shake weight" is so phallic there's NO WAY the makers of it didn't realize it when they started the marketing.
4. My banana bread didn't turn out well.
5. I need a vacation.
6. I'm bummed I missed ladies night.
7. I want to read another book.
8. My neighbor's 100-year-old tree broke and half of it fell down yesterday. It made the loudest noise and it's quite impressive. Good thing it fell in the yard!
9. I'm annoyed with my touch-screen phone.
10. I'm mad Steve got to go to Fenway.

Ten Things Tuesday (a day late)

2011-07-20T11:33:00.003-04:00

1. I have no motivation to do all the laundry.
2. I need to do the laundry because we have two sets of people coming to our house this weekend.
3. I hate that my laundry room is in the basement.
4. Graham is getting closer to crawling, he can get up on all 4's now!
5. We're under an extreme heat warning until Friday, ugh.
6. I started making pacifier clips to sell on Etsy.
7. I can't believe Graham is almost 8 months old.
8. I'm excited for Mandi to be here this weekend!
9. I'm ridiculously obsessed with my Shark Steam Mop.
10. I want a cupcake.

Card

2011-07-13T20:06:00.001-04:00

The only funny thing (or any thing) I'll say about Casey Anthony.

Ten Things Tuesday

2011-07-12T14:30:00.002-04:00

1. I finished my first whole book since Graham was born and it felt great!
2. I'm so sick of this dry heat we've been getting in Michigan, ugh.
3. I refuse to buy new clothes until I've lost the baby weight.
4. Television in the summer sucks, Netflix has become my new best friend to do chores to.
5. I'm ashamed to admit the other night when I felt something wet on my side where Graham was sitting, I was relieved to find it was only puke.
6. I can't wait for Fall.
7. I might want a tattoo.
8. I'm pissed the phone cover I bought cracked when I dropped my phone...on carpet...from two feet off the ground.
9. Graham looks like a jarhead because his hair is only coming in on top.
10. I love my Saturn Vue.

10 Things Tuesday

2011-06-14T18:59:00.003-04:00

1: We took Graham to the Detroit Zoo for the first time on Sunday.
2: He loved the penguins.
3: I hate not having sprinklers and having to hand water everything.
4: I'm craving doughnuts.
5: I love hamburgers on the grill and tater tots for dinner.
6: I wish I had more time to read books again.
7: Somehow I actually miss getting up and going to work sometimes.
8: I'm excited for our first playdate tomorrow with a lady I met through a baby class.
9: I love my house but we need more space...badly.
10: I miss my old friends this week more than normal.

URG!!!

2011-05-23T11:44:00.002-04:00

Who steals someone's stuff?? I woke up yesterday morning to find my purse inside out on my porch. That's never a good sign. Then I realized I'd left it in the car...which we accidentally left unlocked. Graham was throwing a fit when we got home from the grocery store and it slipped our minds because we were busy trying to settle him back down. He's teething and sometimes he can be a handful.

Anyway, some assholes went around the neighborhood last night stealing people's stuff and unfortunately that was the night we left the car unlocked and the purse in there. They stole my wallet and digital camera but left the rest of the purse, which is weird. Luckily my ID and debit card were in a different wallet in the house but they got my credit cards, rewards cards, library card, gift cards, appointment reminders, business cards for other people, etc. PLUS, the memory card in my digital camera had about 2 years worth of photos on it, including some photos from the NICU. :(

It just breaks my heart and makes me so mad at myself. But I guess when you're a mom things just slip your mind. The cop taking the police report said if she had a dollar for every time she left something important somewhere when her kids were little she wouldn't have to be a cop. It just sucks. There was no cash in the wallet and the camera would probably only sell for about $25. I want to just tell the thief "F*^$ you! Next time you come to steal my stuff, let me know. I'll slip a $20 under the door mat and you can have that; it'll be worth more than what you stole. And give me my memory card back, asshole!"

Why do people do stuff like that? How incredibly rude. Sometimes, I just hate people.

Life According To....

2011-05-01T20:55:00.002-04:00

Mariah Carey this week.

Are you Male or Female:
"Your Girl"

Describe yourself:
"Butterfly"

How do you feel:
"Against All Odds"

Describe where you currently live:
"Migrate"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Underneath the Stars"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"Fly Away"

Your best friend is:
"All I've Ever Wanted"

You and your best friends are:
"Miss You"

What's the weather like:
"Wind"

Favorite time of day:
"Just to Hold you Once Again"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
"Through the Rain"

What is life to you:
"Reflections"

Your last relationship:
"It's a Wrap"

Your fear:
"Everything Fades Away"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Anytime You Need a Friend"

Thought for the Day:
"Always Be My Baby"

How I would like to die:
"Joy Ride"

March for Babies

2011-05-01T20:41:00.002-04:00

LOVE THIS!! Flash mob of pregnant women for the March for Babies kick-off yesterday.

Changed For Life

2011-03-29T11:06:00.006-04:00

Graham is home now and it's marvelous, scary, exciting, and beyond what I ever could've imagined. But don't assume just because he's home, everything is better and I'm just a regular new mom. We have two reflux meds we have to give him; one is once a day by oral syringe that has to be expertly timed between two meals, the other is 3 times a day. One of the meds makes his extremely gassy so he's on gas drops as well. He's on a multivitamin with iron because he's somewhat anemic because preemies grow too fast for their red bloodcell count to keep up. He has to stay upright for 30-40 minutes after a feed so he doesn't spit everything back up.

Since his system is still underdeveloped, any small cold could go right to the lungs and land him back in the hospital.

But what I know is that he's an amazing kid, stronger than I ever imagined or could hope for.

I also know that I will never be the same after the start my son had. I have an eternal soft spot for sick babies above and beyond just normal concern. I personalize every time I hear of a baby sick, especially a preemie or one that ends up in the hospital. I cry every time I hear someone is having their baby way too early because it brings back my own terror and I literally hurt for what they're about to endure.

I will always be the mother of a preemie, always. Even if he's 6'1 and 30 years old, he's still my 2lb 7oz feisty 29-week preemie.

I look back at pictures of his first few hours, days and weeks on this earth and realize just how early he was, just how small and fragile he was, and just how close the two of us were to losing everything; both of us were in peril and it could've gone either way.

But the little Graham Man is almost 4 months old and currently weighs in at 8lbs 14oz, 6 1/2 pounds more than his birth weight. We're still battling his reflux; he's on a new medication which makes his super gassy but some other moms with babies on this med said that passes after the initial few weeks. He's been a little under the weather the last day or so but we'll see how things pan out.

He's a fighter and getting to so big.

He can hold his head up pretty well, if you hold him up he can flex his legs and stand up on your legs. He likes basketball, loves being held and loves his tummy time. He's on the verge of smiling; any day now. He has several chins, huge blue eyes and his hair in any given light is dark brown, auburn or blonde, lol. He loves to feel soft things like blankets and sweaters. He loves the skylights in our bedroom.

I will never be the same after the last 4 months; not just because I'm a new mom but because of the way it all happened. It wasn't the fun way or the preferred way, but it was our way and it's made us who we are now.

Graham at 45 minutes old. Notice the pacifier in relation to his tiny head.

Graham about a day old.

Graham at 3 months. :) My big boy. Notice the size of the pacifier to his head now.

Preemie Moms

2011-03-23T19:56:00.002-04:00

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen~*~(Erma Bombeck)
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

"Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."The angel is curious.

"Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Cooler Rules

2011-01-30T18:42:00.002-05:00

Since Graham has been in the NICU I've been pumping breast milk and bringing it to the hospital in a cooler. However, more times than not I forget to put the ice packs in the freezer so I have to improvise.

Frozen peas and corn work the best because it's small and has little pellets that form to the milk bottles. Broccoli shouldn't be the first option because it makes the whole cooler smell like...well, broccoli. And definitely don't use ice in ziploc bags because the ice melts and the bags leak all over the place.

Word to the wise, don't forget to put the ice pack in the freezer!

2011-01-29T19:40:00.002-05:00

Praise You in This Storm
-Casting Crowns

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

I feel like I'm drowning sometimes. Every time something starts going well it seems something else happens and we have a set back. If feels like we've been in the NICU longer than everyone else and other kids born at 30 weeks have gone home before us. I not only want him home, I want him to be doing well. I don't want him struggling anymore and I'm getting frustrated. He's being so strong and fighting and I need to stay strong and fight. None of this has been easy, none of this has been fun. The only consolation is seeing his little face every day and watching him grow. He WILL come home, he WILL thrive past this but right now it's been the longest 7 weeks of my life.

Please God, get us out of this storm. Why does it have to keep raining on my boy? Let us see the brighter days soon, please.

Admitting

2011-01-27T17:59:00.002-05:00

They say admittance is the first step towards recovery. I have a lot to recover from and have been trying not to admit painful things. Even though I live in the middle of it every day I try not to let the truth creep in, but it's time to start admitting things so I can start to recover from the last 8 weeks (and counting).

Even though it hurts to admit it, I admit:
-I am the mother of a preemie, born 10 weeks and 1 day early.
-I have been terrified for eight straight weeks, since the day they told me Graham was coming out early.
-I have cried more the last 8 weeks than I remember ever crying.
-I ask myself and God constantly "why did this have to happen to US?"
-I feel jipped of the normal, exciting pregnancy and birth experience.
-I am not, and never again will be, the person I was when I was 29weeks and 2 days pregnant (the day before I was admitted to the hospital). That woman doesn't exist anymore.
-I live by the quote "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option."
-I'm about to my breaking point and don't know how much more I can shoulder.
-I also know I have no breaking point and I'll shoulder this until I don't have to anymore.
-My faith in God has been shaken but alternately it's been strengthened. I don't know how to get through this without him.
-I will never NOT be a NICU mom. We will graduate from the NICU but I will ALWAYS be a NICU mom; it will never go away from my heart, my soul or my sons beginning.
-I'm terrified.
-I've met some absolutely wonderful people I wish I never had to meet. We all belong to the tight-knit fraternity no one wants to belong to; preemie parents.
-I did nothing wrong to make this happen but I hate the fact my body couldn't handle the end of my pregnancy.
-This has been the most challenging, hardest, rewarding, strange thing that's ever happened.
-I no longer take things for granted. I had no idea how lucky I was to be ignorant and oblivious to the plight of NICU parents.
-I get mad and jealous of the women who are still ignorant and oblivious to this side of having a baby. They have no idea how lucky they are.

Hard Day

2011-01-10T21:48:00.004-05:00

Today was a hard day. Graham had a fabulous day and that definitely helps (read about him at the link on the left of my page) but I still had a down day. Sometimes I'm happy and joking and laughing; sometimes I'm sad and low and crying. A lot of times both of those can happen within the same hour.

The drives to the NICU are hard and I'm not sure why. I cry almost every day as I drive there to see my son. It's not always necesarily crying for Graham, just crying for the enormity of all that I've been through and continue to go through. It seems like every day is a different thing I'm going through.

Today, I miss my grandfather and I'm reliving the terror of the night I was admitted to the hospital. I tried sleeping last night but I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mind kept reliving the 36 hours before I was admitted and I could literally feel those hours; the liver pain that we mistook for reflux, the long, agonizing drive to the hospital filled with pain, the fact we were being admitted and the frightening fact that my pregnancy was rapidly coming to an end 10 weeks early.

And I miss my grandfather terribly. Mentally he's been gone for many years but that doesn't mean his death was any easier to take. I can't imagine this world without my amazing grandfather. I didn't want Graham to never know his great-grandfather's laugh and his mischevious smile. Graham has that smile and when he randomly smiles in his isolette I imagine my grandfather whispering jokes to him. They have their own inside jokes I think.

Graham is doing amazing today. He had a rough few days with his breathing and his events but they found some fluid in his lungs, got rid of it and now he's doing great. He's breathing much better even than before and having very few events. His brain is starting to develop much more and he's getting bigger every day. When he does well it makes me feel so much better.

But I can't shake everything that has happened. I think in light of all that happened all at the same time, I'm handling things quite well. I just can't escape the things that happened and the trauma I went through. I have a grieving process that never got to take place for my grandfather but also for other things. I need to know how to grieve the end of my pregnancy being taken away; I need to grieve the "normal" event labor should've been and the joyous event it usually is and the fact we got neither of those.

Seeing other moms leave the hospital with their babies 2 days after they had them is hard. It seems almost every time I go to the hospital there is a mom and a dad with goofy grins on their faces going home with their brand new baby. Me on the other hand, I'm on my way in to see my son who has been there for 5 weeks and counting. I know I will get my day when Graham comes home and it'll be one of the best days ever but I had to work for it a hell of a lot harder than most people. I will be one of those goofy grinned people soon but in the meantime it's hard to watch those other new parents go home with no idea how much it hurts to watch them be oblivious to any other outcome.

Don't Call Me Tiny

2011-01-05T21:16:00.003-05:00

I know my son is small. He was born at 30 weeks weighing 2lb 7oz. I know he's smaller than a newborn. You know why? Because he's a preemie and preemies are small. When you look at a photo of him, don't let the first thing out of your mouth be "oh, he's so tiny!" I know he's tiny.

When you see a newborn baby what do you say? You comment on the amount of hair, their cheeks, their eyes or facial expressions. You comment about how cute they are whether you actually mean that or not becaue let's be honest, sometimes it's just lip service. We all know "those" newborns.

How about next time I see your kid I comment on something that's super obvious. You show me your kid and I say "Oh, their head is so big!" or "MY oh MY that's a large child.

Sound good?

This is My December

2011-01-03T20:02:00.005-05:00

December was a bad month. To spare some details, let me summarize the shitty month that ended my 2010. My beloved grandfather finally lost his battle with alzheimer's. I was completely torn up and not ready to grieve the great loss. My heart ached for the fact the world lost this man and I lost my wonderful grandfather. Although he had been mentally gone for a long time due to the dimentia and alzheimers, he was still my awesome grandfather who made growing up so fun and exciting.

Two days after his passing, still grieving, I started to get what I thought was severe acid reflux. For two nights I stayed up with this awful pain and on Sunday December 5 I went to Labor and Delivery triage for a pain cocktail as prescribed by my doctor who was meeting us there. Minor annoyance but all in the name of pregnancy. Well, not quite.

Once we got there and they started taking vitals and bloodwork they diagnosed me with Pre-Eclampsia. My blood pressure was sky rocketing and they had to admit me to the hospital. We then heard the most terrifying words we'd ever heard; "We hope to keep your son in for 48 more hours but we'll see how it goes." I've never heard anything more awful in my life. I was 29 1/2 weeks pregnant and they hoped to keep my son in for 48 more HOURS??

In a few short hours they diagnosed me with severe pre-e and severe HELLP Syndrome. Basically my liver was failing and self-destructing, my platelets were falling making it easier to bleed out and my blood pressure was so high they had to put me on a magnesium IV so I didn't have a stroke. Unfortunately the mag makes you feel like you have the flu but worse with no nausea. My face felt like it was on fire and I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

I got two steroid shots but I kept getting worse and worse. Even sitting still my blood pressure would skyrocket to 200/100. Even though I was getting worse I held on for four more days to give the baby the best chance at survival. I got him to 30 weeks pregnant when I started to take an even worse turn. My doctor told me at that point I was so bad they needed to take him out or I could die.

They prepped me for the csection and I've never been so scared. I was only 30 weeks, how was this happening??

On Dec 9, 2010 at 9:27PM Graham Patrick was born. He weighed 2 pounds 7 ounces and he came out crying. They told us not to expect him to cry since he was so early but he was yelling his head off; the sweetest sound I've ever heard. He immediately peed on my doctor, lol.

They whisked him away to the NICU and sewed me up. They took me to the intensive care recovery room to monitor me for 4 hours to make sure I didn't bleed out due to the HELLP.

The only way to stop the HELLP Syndrome is to deliver the baby but with severe HELLP, that isn't enough to stop the syndrome. I kept getting worse after he was out and was in the hospital for 6 more days. I wasn't able to see Graham until his 3rd day which almost killed me. I wanted to see him so bad but my blood pressure wouldn't stabalize enough to let me get out of bed. Finally my nurse got a lower pressure reading and snuck me down to the NICU so I could finally meet and hold my son.

(sexy, right? i especially love the bags under my eyes, yikes!)

It was an incredibly scary, traumatic experience but our son is doing amazingly well in the NICU. I'll post some updates later but he's doing so well, I couldn't ask for a stronger, more feisty child. He's fantastic and the light of our lives.

RIP

2010-12-04T20:32:00.004-05:00

My wonderful, crazy, loving Grandpa Dave died from Alzheimer's last night. June 6, 1926-Dec 3, 2010. You will always be master of the tummy drum, the greatest carver in the world and make the best darn pancakes a girl could have. You made us laugh by making up silly songs with your own words and always knew your way was best, even when that meant destroying Dad's tent so you could get maple syrup out of the tree with the pole. Beth and I spent hours with you "carving" in the basement, even though you gave us something no sharper than a butter knife.

You were the best grandfather two little girls could ask for. You were one of few who survived Iwo Jima with little more than a scrape from a tuna can and your family is utterly greatful for that. Your lessons will be passed on to your Great Grandson who will be here in a matter of two months. He already has your ears and hopefully some (but not all!) of your spunk.

Alzheimer's finally took you away fully but we loved you every second and we know deep down in there you loved us with every drop until your final breath. Nothing can take away a love like you had for us and us for you.

Goodbye Marine, you served us well and we are all better people for knowing you.

Love you and miss your for always,
Your KatyBug

My View

2010-11-30T12:55:00.002-05:00

This is my view for the last 2 1/2 days. The Sinus Infection from hell that won't go away is still hanging on and I haven't left my bed for almost 3 days. Little Titleist won't leave the bed either, he's keeping me company. It would be nice to smell...or breathe...or taste. I can't breathe, my ribs hurt from coughing and I'm hoping my antibiotics start kicking in soon.

Damn you sinus infection and being pregnant at the same time. I can't take anything to unstuff my head, I just have to sort of take it.

Two 1/2 days and counting...

A Letter

2010-11-17T20:56:00.002-05:00

Dear Cranky-Pants Across the Street-

When you yell at your teenager in the driveway, I can hear you. When you come wadling out of your house to angrily drag in your trash can, I can see you sulk all the way out to the curb and all the way back to your house. When you try to gun-it down your driveway to make it out to the street before me, you make me laugh. When I wave in the mornings and you pretend you don't see me even though you're basically 15 feet away, I won't take it personally even though I'm as big as two people right now.

Thank you for making my day more entertaining.

-Your more cheery neighbor

The Neighborhood

2010-11-17T20:54:00.001-05:00

Our street during a beautiful Fall day.

It's Official...

2010-11-15T20:16:00.001-05:00

I can no longer see my feet.

I wonder...

2010-11-02T15:47:00.002-04:00

So I'm starting to wonder where all the pregnant ladies in Detroit are. I'm starting to grow out of my non-pregnancy clothes so I'm on the hunt for some maternity clothes. I've been on the look-out for some cute, not super expensive stuff and the normal places have almost ZERO maternity section!

Target generally has some cute maternity stuff but the Target here has literally one wall of maternity stuff. Same thing goes for Kohl's and JCPenney. How is this possible??

My question is where are all the pregnant ladies, what do they wear and where do they shop?? UGH!

23 Weeks

2010-11-02T12:32:00.002-04:00

Here's 23 weeks. I'm not sure it looks super different from the one before but he IS growing. He's about 15 inches from head to toe now and weighs about a pound and a half. I can't believe it, he's getting so big! Only about 4 more weeks and I'm into the third trimester which is astounding. He's kicking away in there and has turned into a little wiggle worm in there recently. He plays a little game where he kicks back if you push on my stomach which is super funny...well, to us anyway.

I've been feeling pretty good but a little anxious about what's to come. My hips are starting to hurt more and it's harder to sleep. It's harder to get off the sofa, roll out of bed or be on my feet for a long period of time. I know that after about 26 weeks I'm really going to start growing and things will get much harder.

I leave tomorrow for my Colorado shower and I'm super excited. I'm ready to see all the friends I haven't seen in a few months and ready for some chat time with girlfriends!

NY Baby Shower

2010-10-26T19:19:00.011-04:00

A few weeks ago I drove my pregnant butt to New York for my first baby shower. On the way there I went through Ohio, Pennsylvania and New York. It took about 6 hours and the drive was GORGEOUS! I was jamming out to my mp3 player and barely noticed the time.

On my way!

Welcome To Ohio!

Progressive Field (aka where the Indians play)

Awesome Fall colors in Ohio

Funny story in Ohio: I stopped to get lunch at a Burger King in the middle of nowhere, Ohio. I ordered my food and handed the cashier my card. She looks at me like "what is THAT thing?" She gives me a blank stare...I say "um, it's a Visa." She proceeds to tell me they don't take cards right now. Say WHHAAA? You don't take cards right now? No, the card machine wasn't broken, they seriously didn't take cards at that moment in time. Alright. Then the guy behind me asks for a number whatever with a large onion ring and the biggest coke they have. And not just onion rings, "Uuuuuunion rangs." I'm sorry, did I take a right at Michigan and end up in Alabama?

Then I forgot to get a picture of the Pennsulvania sign. :(

Welcome to New York!

We had my shower at this great place called Lemoncello. They had amazing sandwiches and the desserts, OMG, they were to DIE for!! I would gladly drive all the way back to Rochester just to get lunch and dessert there again. Yum-o!

One of the super cute onsies Beth got me!! She lives in Maine, so lobster onesie is perfect from Aunt Beth. :)

Beth helping me with the hoards of tissue paper. It was so wonderful seeing her.

Gifts, gifts.

And more gifts!

I didn't get any pictures of just Beth and I though :(

I got to see my Grandpa which was a little hard but I'm very glad I went. He has advanced Alzheimer's and dimentia and it's hard to see him like that but we had some nice moments that made me eternally grateful that I went.

On my way home I went through Ontario Canada because supposedly it's supposed to be faster. In not so many words, it wasn't. After I got through customs it ended up being the exact same amount of time but with the added annoyance of having to sit at customs for 30 minutes each way. And then, it was especially fun trying to breeze through myself with a Colorado license plate, Michigan driver's license and coming back from a baby shower in New York. I got a few extra questions and they rifled through my bags of gifts. It was a lot harder to get back into the U.S. than it was to get into Canada! The customs agents asked me what I had in the bags and it took all my energy not to be sassy with him and tell him it was my illegal drugs. That's all I need, getting my pregnant ass arrested at the Canadian border for mouthing off to Border Patrol!

Niagra River.

Welcome to Ontario

Canada, Baby!

Almost Back to the U.S.ofA.

Bridge to the U.S.

U.S. Canadian Border

Welcome to the back to the U.S. and Michigan!

I had so much fun seeing my family and some old friends again. The baby got some amazing gifts and Mandi and her mom spent way too much on him!! But I loved every second of my time there and forgot how much I miss New York.

21 Weeks

2010-10-11T15:55:00.003-04:00

Here's my belly at 21 weeks. It's crazy how big I'm getting so fast! My muscles are stretching and sometimes it feels a little tight. I read that between now and labor my rib cage will expand by 2-3 inches, good lord!! I need to stop reading pregnancy books I think. I know it's supposed to help you know what to expect but it's really just starting to freak me out!

It's starting to be that time in the pregnancy where things really start to happen. You can start feeling Braxton Hicks (which is false labor), your belly really starts to grow, you start to feel more and more tired, etc. etc. The baby is basically fully developed but things just need to mature and he needs to put on weight. From here on out, things start to get serious but closer to having him in our arms.

I've been feeling him kick inside me for a few weeks but this last weekend it has really picked up. He kicks pretty hard two or three times a day, usually in the morning around 10, sometime in the late afternoon and then again about 10 at night. This weekend something pretty cool happened though; we felt him kick from the outside! The first time was right before I fell asleep and it was absolutely amazing. I almost cried because it's amazing to feel him from the "real world" not just in the womb. He's a big kicker and every once in awhile he gives me a swift one. The Hubs has even been able to feel it which has been nice. It's crazy!

So it was almost right at 21 weeks we were able to feel him from the outside of the belly.

Things are starting to progress!

LOVE This Song

2010-10-06T13:42:00.002-04:00

I love Brad Paisley, always have. Steve and I always go see him when he's in town and I just love, love his music. I was listening to his CD, "American Saturday Night", today while I was unpacking the DVD's, and this song came on. I was sobbing and cry every time I think about it. :) (in a good way!)

DWTS

2010-10-05T10:18:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I'm writing this post but I actually follow Dancing With the Stars this season. Feel free to hang your head in shame. I detest "The Situation", I think Jennifer Grey is awesome and I actually like watching Bristol Palin because she's adorable.

I think working from home is starting to get to me! I need to get out more, haha!

Pizza Today

2010-10-03T20:49:00.001-04:00

The Hubs and I tried this new pizza place near our house. It was a Chicago-style place which isn't my favorite. We got pepperoni and artichoke but the longer it's been since we've eaten the more I realize I should've ordered pepperoni and Tums pizza. Sometimes pregnancy ain't so grand.

Earlier Belly Pics

2010-09-27T22:43:00.005-04:00

Since I haven't been able to post belly pics in the past, here you go.

5 Weeks, just after we found out.

7 Weeks

11 Weeks

19 Weeks

2010-09-27T22:33:00.002-04:00

Here's my belly at 19 weeks. It's really starting to get bigger but I feel like I've actually lost weight. You're supposed to be super hungry during this phase but I'm really not hungry very often.

So far I've had cravings but nothing too strange. At first I was so nauseas all I wanted was buttered pasta with Parmesan cheese. It was like heaven in a bowl and I had it all the freakin' time. I brought it to work one day for lunch and all I could think about all morning was the pasta with butter in the fridge. Around 10:45 I decided I really hadn't gotten much done due to thinking about lunch and 10:45 was close enough to lunch. Heaven, I'm telling you.

Then for about 7 weeks I could not be around a vegetable. I couldn't hear the word, see a vegetable, smell them, anything. The grocery store was like a war zone for me and Steve had to go alone or we raced through like Speed Racer.

Now I can't get enough bagels with bacon and egg or fresh fruit. I could live on bagels and fruit, OMG. Iron Chef was having Battle Pineapple last night and I almost had the Hubs drive to the store at 11PM and buy me some freshly cut pineapple. Yum-O.

Alright...

2010-09-27T22:29:00.001-04:00

Not sure what is more disturbing: the fact that you don't have to parody this because it's so freakin' lame or the fact that it's set to the Macarena. Just...wow.

Funny

2010-09-27T22:22:00.001-04:00

The CEO of Segway died falling off a cliff, riding a Segway. Sounds like an article in The Onion but, alas, it is true.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-09-24T22:34:00.002-04:00

Well there have been some changes in our household. First and foremost, we're having a baby!! And we just found out today we're having a boy :) I'm going to have a son. We're keeping his name under wraps but we're calling him Little G Man for now. I'm 19 weeks along and have had a pretty painless and easy pregnancy so far. The first trimester was a little rough but more about the pregnancy later.

Big change number 2, the Hubs and I moved to the Detroit metro area. Hubby got a promotion at his job and they transferred him to Detroit. We bought a cute house built in 1940 in a suburb about 20 miles west of Detroit. So far we're loving it here. It's a great mix of midwest and east coast and it makes us very close to our NY relatives and friends.

Since the baby news, we've decided I'm going to work from home with my freelance writing so I can relax the rest of my pregnancy and then be home with the baby. Also, I've always wanted to be a writer. Being an executive assistant was just a detour in the career arena.

More later, with pictures!!

Want

2010-05-05T21:58:00.005-04:00

I love me some Etsy. These are the marvelous things I want.

LOVE this necklace from cleobelle.

Super cute retro apron from daffodillies

Metal bucket with our name or something on it by treefrogcreations. So many uses!

Yum-O

2010-05-05T21:46:00.002-04:00

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, I made arroz con pollo a la "I Love Lucy" for dinner (or, chicken and rice). :) Luckily it turned out much better than Ricky's. I'm very exicted that it actually turned out exactly the way I wanted it, and the Hubs gave it a thumbs up so YAY for me and my cooking skills.

No photo but:

One pound chicken breast
Two egg Whites
1/2 Cup Italian Bread Crumbs
1/2 Cup Panko

-Preheat Oven to 400 Degrees
-Combine Panko and Italian Bread Crumbs in bowl
--Drudge chicken breasts in egg then Bread Crumb mixture
-Place chicken breasts in frying pan with one tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
-Cook 5 minutes, flip and cook another 5 minutes
-After the outside is crispy, put the chicken in a baking dish and put into oven at 400 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

Serve with rice and broccoli.

Serves 3-4 people.

I Have a Problem

2010-04-08T00:01:00.004-04:00

They always say the first step to recovery is acceptance. Well, I'm not sure if I want to recover from this but....I'm a LipAholic. I love lip stuff; chapstick, lip balm, gloss, stain, lipstick...I love it all! I can't help myself. Every time something new comes out I have to buy it. It's a sickness really.

Case-in-point, I was organizing my purse and found ALL of these in there. These are just my go-to, not even the stash I have at home for special occasions or surplus. And as I told my husband, yes I do need all of the slightly different colored glosses. :) Some have some sparkles for drawing attention, some are light tints, some are matte. See...they're different.

1) Neosporin Lip Repair
2) Chapstick Brand Lip Balm (tinted and vitamin infused)
3) Victoria Secret Lip Gloss
4) Cover Girl Lip Enhancement Gloss
5) Burt's Bees Wax Super Shiny Lip Gloss in Zesty Red
6) Spearmint Flavored Chapstick from the dentist
7) Carmex Moisture Plus Lip Balm
8) Good ol' fashion Carmex in a squeeze tube

What? :)

I'm "One of Those"

2010-04-06T22:39:00.002-04:00

I was telling the Hubs about the book I was reading. He said, "What's it about?" I tell him:
It's about a girl who falls in love with a vampire, her best friend is a werewolf, she ends up marrying the vampire, she gets pregnant with his half-vampire/half-human baby, she "dies" during birth, becomes a vampire herself and lives happily ever after.

......Cue the crickets and blank stare from the Hubs.

"Um......okay then," he says.

Yes, I just finished the "Twilight" saga. I understand how that conversation sounds, I do. But I got sucked in. I actually uttered the words "Team Jacob" after the second book and, although I can't stand Kristen Stewart, want to now see the movies.

I'm a late 20-something and I like "Twilight".

I never thought this day would come.

My Poor Little Kindle

2010-03-08T23:21:00.003-05:00

I must stay I love my Kindle. The Hubs bought it for me this past October as a very, very early Christmas present. I use the heck out of it because I commute an hour each way to and from work. I get a lot of reading done and in order not to lug around a 600-page book, I just carry around my thin, light Kindle.

I turned it on one day to use it and the screen was broken!!

I wanted to cry! Why?!?! Every time I tried to turn it on or off a part of the screen would always stay on the screen and it basically just kept adding up on screen. I was so upset and I thought it was a ton of money down the drain. I only had my little Kindle about 5 months before it broke.

I decided to call Amazon to see what they could do for me. They asked if I dropped/spilled/crushed it, I said no. They said "okay, the Kindle came with a 1-year warranty so we'll have a new one shipped to you by Friday (this was Wednesday). Just send the broken one back in the box the new one comes in. Enjoy your newest Kindle."

I....was....shocked! Amazon made it so easy and stress-free!! My new Kindle showed up on Friday and it works like a charm.:)

I'm back to being a reading fool!!

Life According to....

2010-03-03T21:43:00.002-05:00

Artist:
Vanessa Carlton

Are you Male or Female:
"She Floats"

Describe yourself:
"Pretty Baby"

How do you feel:
"Unsung"

Describe where you currently live:
"Home"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"A Thousand Miles"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"Sway"

Your best friend is:
"The One"

You and your best friends are:
"Heroes & Thieves"

What's the weather like:
"Spring Street"

Favorite time of day:
"Twilight"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
"Nolita Fairytale"

What is life to you:
"Afterglow"

Your last relationship:
"Fools Like Me"

Your fear:
"Come Undone"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"C'est La Vie"

Thought for the Day:
"Wanted"

How I would like to die:
"San Francisco"

I'm in Love

2010-01-26T21:52:00.003-05:00

I picked up some Skinny Cow dessert at the grocery store because they were on sale. I figured I'd try them but thought they'd taste like all the other diet/low-fat/no sugar ice cream; i.e. cold blended cardboard.

I took one bite and it was like a spotlight turned on, shined down on me and angels were singing a chorus! Holy yum!! So refreshing, with the soft, yummy, chocolately cookie. I could eat three, but I guess that would defeat the purpose of them being low-cal and no fat. Even the hubs likes them. They come in all yummy flavors and in bars and cones. Let the drooling in the frozen food aisle begin!

Italian Kids Vs. American Kids

2010-01-25T21:45:00.002-05:00

If you know my family, you know why this post is appropriate. If you don't know my family, we're "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" but we're Italian. Our family get-togethers are loud, obnoxious and tons of fun. We're in each other's business (in good and bad ways), have 27 first cousins and instead of roasting lamb in the front yard, we make sausage in my grandfather's basement once a year. We hug everyone regardless of how long we've known you, you're a guest ONCE and then you're family and all my aunts look similar enough my husband of 4 years has just recently been able to tell them apart. We're laugh hard, love hard and are fiercely protective.

American Kids: When their mom visits them, she brings a bundt cake, you sip coffee and chat.
Italian Kids: When their mom visits she brings 3 days worth of food, begins to tidy up, dust, do laundry, and rearrange the furniture.

American Kids: Their Dad's always call before they come over.
Italian Kids: They're not at all fazed when their Dad shows up unannounced on a Saturday morning to prune the fruit trees. If there are no fruit trees, he'll plant some.

American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the Yellow Pages when they need something done.
Italian Kids: Call their Dad or Uncle, and ask for another dad or uncle's phone number to get it done. Cash deal, ya know?

American Kids: Will invite you over for coffee and cake and you'll get coffee and cake.
Italian Kids: Will invite you over for coffee and cake and you'll get coffee, cake, antipasto, wine, a pasta dish, bread, a choice of two meats, a cannoli, fruit, espresso and some after-dinner drinks.

American Kids: Will greet you with "hello" or "hi".
Italian Kids: Will give you a big hug, kiss on your cheek and pat on the back.

American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Italian Kids: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days and then return it.
Italian Kids: Borrow your stuff for so long they forget it's yours.

American Kids: Will eat dinner with you then leave.
Italian Kids: Will spend hours there talking, laughing and being loud.

American Kids: Know a few things about you.
Italian Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

American Kids: Eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread.
Italian Kids: Eat Genoa salami and provolone sandwiches on crusty Italian bread.

My Life According To...

2010-01-06T21:04:00.003-05:00

Artist:
Carrie Underwood

Are you Male or Female:
"All-American Girl"

Describe yourself:
"We're Young and Beautiful"

How do you feel:
"Twisted"

Describe where you currently live:
"Temporary Home"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Jesus, Take the Wheel"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"Wheel of the World"

Your best friend is:
"Last Name"

You and your best friends are:
"Lessons Learned"

What's the weather like:
"The Night Before"

Favorite time of day:
"Inside Your Heaven"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
"Play On"

What is life to you:
"Crazy Dreams"

Your last relationship:
"Cowboy Casanova"

Your fear:
"I Know You Won't"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Unapologize"

Thought for the Day:
"I Told You So"

How I would like to die:
"Porcelain Fists"

My Life According To...

2010-01-06T21:00:00.003-05:00

This started on Facebook and I decided to make it a blog thing. No matter what I'm feeling (happy, sad, frustrated, excited, hopeful, etc.) I always find songs to match my mood. Music can always say it better.

This one was my original one in August.

Artist:
Ingrid Michaelson

Are you a male or female:
"Lady in Spain"

Describe yourself:
"Can't Help Falling in Love"

How do you feel:
"Be OK"

Describe where you currently live:
"Highway"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Over the Rainbow"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"Empty Bottle"

Your best friend is:
"Far Away"

You and your best friends are:
"Overboard"

What's the weather like:
"Oh What a Day"

Favorite time of day:
"Around You"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
"The Way I Am"

What is life to you:
"A Bird's Song"

Your last relationship:
"Let Go"

Your fear:
"Die Alone"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Keep Breathing"

Thought for the Day:
"Starting Now"

How I would like to die:
"Porcelain Fists"

Happy (almost) New Year!

2009-12-29T22:36:00.000-05:00

Things I'm Loving

2009-12-29T22:17:00.005-05:00

It's college football bowl season ladies and gentlemen. And I have one thing to say.....GO PENN STATE!!

I love my new Calvin Klein gray knit winter hat. So warm and comfy.

I recently rented "500 Days of Summer" and was pleasantly surprised. It isn't your typical love story and it's definitely not filmed in the typical manner. At first it was a little hard to keep up but once you get used to the format it's genius.

I love, love this song by Carrie Underwood from her new album by the same name as the song; "Play On". Beautiful.

Self Diagnosis

2009-12-29T21:40:00.003-05:00

I'm not allowed on WebMD anymore. After the millionth time I came home to tell Steve I had a brain tumor/flesh eating bacteria/whooping cough/anthrax, my husband said "no more of the self-diagnosing symptoms you develop while bored at work."

This new diagnosis, however, is different. This disease is rare, not understood by everyone...and completely made up. It's called Movie-Line Tourettes. I realized I had it while talking to my Dad, which is fitting because it's his fault I have it.

So my Dad starts telling me a story and he says "sounds like a piece of cake, right?" My movie-line tourettes kicks in and I automatically blurt out, "piece of cake! Piece of cake! She spoke it!" with no regard for the rest of the story my Dad was telling. *Bonus points if you know what movie that's from w/o Googling it. Anyone? Anyone?*

This diagnosis is a little scary for me because not only can I not help it or control it, but not everyone understands or sympathizes with my affliction. It's beyond my comprehension but not everyone runs movie lines through every day conversations. I know...crazy, right? This realization has come from countless awkward moments when I string a movie line in and all I get in return is a blank stare and a long pause before the person says "um....what?"

My condition comes from a quarter of a century of running movie lines with my Dad and now my husband as well. My Dad will stick something sly into the conversation and then say "what movie?" and whoever gets it right first wins.

I hate to say it but I fear there is no cure. To me, the world will always be diveded into people with MLT (movie-line tourettes) and people without it.

The outhers with never understand our plight.

I Thought I Still Lived in Colorado

2009-12-08T00:24:00.002-05:00

My sister lives in Maine and I'm in Colorado. Please enlighten me as to how I am the one with a high of 14 tomorrow for the 4th day in a row and my sister is the one with the "warmer" temperatures? I had a cup of water in my car freeze solid in 8 hours while I was parked in the PARKING GARAGE at work....seriously?

When my sister lived in Florida, I was the one in the cold weather. Now she lives in Maine and somehow I'm still the one with the cold weather. Figures. :)

Love you boffy :)

Hello Strangers!

2009-12-03T22:43:00.003-05:00

Hello my blogger friends! It's been way too long and for all three of you that follow me, a thousand apologies my friends! I haven't blogged since I changed jobs almost four months ago. I can't believe it's been four months already but alas, it has been.

In the past four months I've had some good times and some very bad times. In the words of Bananarama, it's a cruel, cruel summer. I'll spare you the details but it was not a good summer for me. I'm definitely glad that season is over and, so far, as the warm weather gives way to the cold, it seems the trials that came with the warm weather are giving way to brighter days for me.

There are also some big things on the horizon for the Hubs and I. I won't go into detail until we know more but things are going to get exciting for us in the next few months...and no, I'm not pregnant so don't ask; you might as well just call me fat.

Right and Wrong

2009-07-16T13:25:00.003-04:00

If I had a dime for every time I uttered the phrase "I'm not your mother/wife" at work, I wouldn't need to work here. I was in to the kitchen every...dang...day and find the cabinets left opened, the drawers with creamer left opened and things in general disarray. We're not 14 years old here. If you open something, close it please.

For the record:

This is how I found it today. THIS is the WRONG way.

THIS is the way it SHOULD look when you're done.

Phoenix Photos

2009-06-25T11:50:00.006-04:00

The Hubs and I went to Phoenix last month and I'm just getting around to putting up some photos. We had so much fun! We absolutely adore Phoenix and already want to go back.

We drove there; a harrowing 14 hour drive. We got through it by watching seasons of "Friends" on the laptop and spending quality time together. We went hiking, went to a Diamondbacks game on Memorial Day, ate great food, drove around the different suburbs. It was wonderful.

Entering New Mexico!

The landscape along the way was breathtaking. This one is in New Mexico.

We drove through a wicked nasty storm in Flagstaff on the way to Phoenix. It was hailing and pouring and lightening bolts were everywhere. It was insane how different the mountains of Flagstaff are compared to the desert heat just two hours away in Phoenix.

Steve and I in front of the fountains in Glendale. The Jobing.Com Arena (catchy little name, right?) and University of Phoenix Stadium have this little oasis surrounding it with shops, restaurants, movie theatre, outdoor fun, etc. We spent several hours there just enjoying.

We ate at the Glendale oasis at a Japanese place called Kabuki. This is our calamari and edamame appetizer. Both very good!

This is our sushi: California Rolls, Phildelphia Rolls and Spicy Tuna Rolls. YUM!!

We drove up to Surprise for a little house hunting (wishful thinking). After several occasions of seeing people tooling around in golf carts, I just had to take a picture. This bad-boy was parked in front of Fry's (king soopers, basically). If you look closely, it even has a license plate.

Part of the Glendale oasis area.

Chase Field on Memorial Day

Chase Field sells sliced caramel apples. I get one every time we're there.

My hubby and I with the field.

Happy Memorial Day!

Military troops holding the flag while the National Anthem is played.

Us at the field again.

Steve is obsessed with college baseball. ASU has one of the best college baseball teams in the country and they just happened to be playing while we were there. The stadium is gorgeous and we sat in the general admission area. It's all grass and families come with coolers and blankets and chairs and just picnic while watching the game. It was so much fun.

On the way home, we had to drive over this huge pass because we skipped New Mexico and came home through the Four Corners. It was 97 degrees when we left Phoenix and when we got to the pass about seven hours later it was a blizzard!

Beautiful Arizona Landscape

Overheard

2009-06-24T15:40:00.002-04:00

"Well that's why babies are cute...so you don't kill them."

A friend telling another friend that kids are cute when they're little because if you knew what they grew into, you'd kill them.

Preggers

2009-06-15T16:43:00.003-04:00

One of my best friends is pregnant. Kelcy, this one's for you :)

You Down with G.O.D.?

2009-06-10T18:23:00.003-04:00

I had lunch plans with my friend Christine today at 12:30. I put it on my Outlook calendar because, let's face it, I'm a busy girl. If you have Outlook you know that the boxes can be small and cut off letters on the main calendar. When I glanced at it, I noticed something.

Quite the conversation starter, right? "I had lunch with Christ today. What did you do?"

FYI, I'm Not Stupid

2009-06-09T17:10:00.005-04:00

I understand that Steve and I have been married over three years. I also understand that, according to most people, that means we need to hop on the baby train.

But you need to understand that I'm not an idiot. When I say I haven't been feeling well and my stomach has been upset, don't look at me with raised eyebrows and ask if I'm pregnant. I think I would know if my queasiness had anything to do with pregnancy and you can bet that if there's even a remote possibility that it could be, I probably wouldn't be just casually throwing it out there.

You can count on two things:
1) If I were pregnant I wouldn't coyly say "oh gee, my stomach hurts and my period is late. Hmm, wonder why? (pause for dramatic effect)"

2) When I do get pregnant, I'll be smart enough to keep the pregnancy symptoms out of regular conversation until we plan on telling people.

And this blog post does not include my mother. Since she is the woman that went through 23+ hours of labor with me, she reserves the right to ask if I'm pregnant any time she wants.

Weird Habit

2009-06-05T12:17:00.002-04:00

Lately I've noticed that if I get someone's voicemail my automatic urge is to just slide my phone closed and hang up. I'm not sure if it's because I'm impatient and don't want to sit through the greeting or maybe it's just that it wasn't that important and I'll try them later.

Or just maybe it's because every time I leave a message the person calls me back and says "what's up?" and I ask if they got my message and they say "I haven't checked it yet."

Hmmm, how do ya like that?

Caged Bird

2009-06-03T16:12:00.003-04:00

Right now I feel like a bird
Caged without a key
Everyone comes to stare at me
So much joy and revelry
They dont know how I feel inside
Through my smile I cry
They dont know what theyre doing to me
Keeping me from flying
Thats why I say that I know why the caged bird sings
Only joy comes from song
Shes so rare and beautiful to others
But I just set her free so she can fly, fly, fly
Spreading her wings and her song
Let her fly, fly, fly, the whole world to see
Hmmm hey ooh shes like a caged bird
Fly, fly, ooh, just let her fly, just let her fly, just let her fly
Spread wings
Spread beauty

This song by Alicia Keys is beautiful. It came up on my mp3 player today and I had an emotional moment. Though I joke around and smile and act happy, underneath I'm torn up. Like the song says, "Through my smile I cry."

At this point in my life I feel like the caged bird. I can't go forward yet I can't go back. This is not a new feeling to me since I wrote about it here in February. There's just no end in sight to these things that are causing this situation and it's hard to remain positive all the time.

I'm not unhappy all the time but I have a lot of time on my hands to think. I have a great support team in my husband, friends and family but when it comes down to it, it's my and Steve's life that is getting put on hold.

I want to spread my wings and fly. I want to feel that I'm living my life and not just existing, because that's what I feel like right now; I feel like I'm merely existing because everything else needed to be put on hold. Yes we've taken a few vacations and done stuff to our house (yay!) but in the grand scheme of things it's just fun stuff holding us over until we can continue down our path.

Overheard

2009-06-01T18:16:00.002-04:00

"So I had Botox before I was 40. So what? Does that make me a bad person?"

A man at a Chili's in Scottsdale telling his male companion over four glasses of white wine. Let me repeat, this was at a Chili's, in the middle of the day, on a weekday.

Glee

2009-06-01T12:23:00.003-04:00

I'm so excited for the new fall series "Glee". This show completely brings out my inner band/performing arts geek-ness and the pilot episode has me hooked!

Movie Night?

2009-05-20T18:35:00.001-04:00

Thank God I'm not the only one that thought "Night at the Museum" was horrible!

Tip

2009-05-20T18:29:00.003-04:00

Here's a little tip, straight from me to you. If you come up to my desk one more time and ask me to make one black and white copy of whatever it is you hand me, I may throw something at you.

Do you realize it would've been faster to just make the copy yourself rather than walk past the copier to come and ask me to do it?

That's all.

Thought

2009-05-19T18:41:00.002-04:00

Green-with-envy is not a great color on me. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for all the wonderful things I have; an amazing husband, a beautiful house, a job that is not only still around but pays me well, people who love me, my health (most of the time).

But sometimes I just want to be 6 years old, sit cross-legged on the floor with my arms folded and whine "but it's not fair"! Sometimes life's not fair, yea I got the memo. But it doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

People have things I want, things I've been working very hard for and it seems like they get it easier and for less. How is it fair that someone gets what I want when they don't go about it the right way?

A Shout Out

2009-05-18T15:33:00.004-04:00

I'd just like to give a big "What's Up" to the Discount Tires in FoCo we went to this weekend. Thank you for not calling us back when the car was ready, making me almost miss my cousins graduation party AND scratching the front of the car.

It's okay, I know it was you. Even though you gave me the whole "oh, that was already there" speech, I know that scratch/dent wasn't there previously. But that's okay. As you so eloquently and politely told me, I can't prove it. :)

On a Serious Note..

2009-05-18T14:33:00.003-04:00

It's been a rough few weeks for me; mentally, emotionally, physically, health-wise. Some people know, but my company filed bankruptcy in November which we knew was a definite possibility since about September of 2008. The workload has dwindled to basically nothing except maintaining what we have. I've been eternally grateful that month after month we defy the odds and are still around. I'm grateful that unlike so many millions of Americans, I'm lucky enough to keep my job for right now, god willing.

Although it's hard to continue to be utterly grateful day after day, month after month and it's starting to ware on me. I'm exhausted mentally. For 8+ months I've been living in a state of limbo; not knowing what's coming, not knowing what's going to happen two weeks from now. It's hard.

The Hubs and I can't plan things like vacations or days off until two weeks before we plan on going just to make sure I have a job to finance the vacation.

It's even harder because we want a family sometime. We want to start a family together. Everyone always tells us "If you wait until the 'right' time or until you have 'x' amount of money, you'll never have a child. There is no 'right' time." And while I appreciate loved ones input and fully agree there's never a "right" time, Steve and I agree there is definitely a "wrong" time.

In an economy where millions of people honestly CAN'T find jobs and me not knowing how long mine will be around, it seems to be a bad time to bring a child into the financial mix. How can I throw caution to the wind and say "what the hell, let's have a kid" if I don't know if I'll be employed in 3 months and very well may not be able to find another job to support said-Child?

Steve and I may have an exciting opportunity in the next three months that could change the need to rely on my job and could possibly be the answer we need.

Please pray that we get to take advantage of this new opportunity. Please pray hard.

Overheard

2009-05-15T18:45:00.003-04:00

"I don't swear around my kids. The worst I say is bitch and shit."

Overheard on my van/carpool. Um, those are swear words. If you don't think so, I don't even want to know what you consider swearing.

Overheard

2009-05-07T18:22:00.004-04:00

"Woman, don't be such a biatch!"

While shopping at Ross downtown on my lunch break, there was a man on his cell phone.
I don't know who he's talking to but that's never a safe sentence.

Teacher Appreciation

2009-05-05T17:14:00.002-04:00

I love my relatives and friends that are teachers, I really do. ;)

Bags!

2009-05-04T13:43:00.004-04:00

I had a few shopping successes over the weekend and one of those successes is a new slouchy, faux-leather, turquoise bag from Kohl's. I LOVE this bag and it only helps that it was 80% off!! I couldn't believe my lucky stars; I could hear it calling my name from across the store.

And Pali is a big fan of the bag as well, as evidenced here by her enthusiasm.

I bought another bag on Ebay. It's a studded faux-leather shoulder bag that's so flippin' cute. However, it smelled so badly of cigarette smoke so I'm currently airing it out and trying to get the stink out of it. I'll post pictures once I'm able to go near it :)

Overheard

2009-04-28T17:46:00.001-04:00

"Oh my god, I might have swine flu. I just had pork for lunch yesterday!" - Girl talking to lord knows who on a cell phone.

Um, it's not like mad-cow. You can't get it by EATING the pig.

Gross, I Know

2009-04-24T13:03:00.005-04:00

Gross to everyone, but only one person understands why I posted this. Please to enjoy!

Overheard

2009-04-23T17:48:00.001-04:00

While stopped at a light in Downtown Denver yesterday: "All my grandparents were dead by the time I was five."

Well Happy Wednesday to you too.

A Lovely Side Effect

2009-04-23T17:41:00.004-04:00

I picked up the sport of running about five months ago. I wish it was as easy as it sounds, but alas, it's not. I unfortunately decided to start running in the winter so it's been hit and miss until the last few months. I'm semi-following a program called Couch 2 5K. It takes people like me who used to only run when chased and turns them into runners. You start out by running for a minute, walking for a minute and a half on and off for 30 minutes.

Slowly, I've worked my way up to running for a solid 2 1/2 minutes; emphasis on slowly. I'm pretty sure an old lady was laughing at me yesterday for how slow I go. But right now it's not about speed, it's about endurance so I think I'm doing pretty well. If you think jogging for 2 1/2 minutes w/o stopping sounds easy, try it.

A wonderful side effect from running so much is I'm constantly starving. Not just starving; famished! I was so hungry on my way home from work yesterday I could've pulled my arm off an eaten it. Lovely, I know.

But a fun side note about running, i get to buy a bunch of stuff! For instance, my Saucony Grid Ignition running shoes. Not only are they stylin', they're so comfortable it's like running on green and white clouds :)

Loves them!

Overheard

2009-04-22T11:31:00.001-04:00

As I was exiting the elevator in my building, I heard one man say to another, "She was, hands down, the hottest shoe-shine girl in Manhattan."

Awesome.

Ah, Colorado

2009-04-17T12:30:00.002-04:00

Glorious Colorado. If you live here, you know how abruptly the weather can change. I needed the following items in the last three days: shorts, tank top, flip-flops, sunglasses, rain coat, rain boots, gloves, winter jacket, hat, snow boots.

Three days ago it was beautiful, hot and 70. Yesterday it poured rain and today it's a blizzard dumping a possible 6-16 inches.

Ah, Colorado.

Book Love

2009-04-17T12:25:00.002-04:00

I fell in love last night...with a library. That's right! Fort Collins opened a brand new library and it's beautiful. It has large, plastic letters kids can sit and play on, fireplaces, comfy chairs and sofas, study rooms, tons of windows, and the smell of new books!

Plus it's closer to my house so what's not to love? They have a smaller selection than the other libraries but I can still have my books sent to that one. Part of me wishes I had some homework so I could take it there and study; but then I realize that I have a full-time job and money to pay for things so that feeling goes away rather quickly :)

We're Going To......

2009-04-03T13:05:00.002-04:00

Kansas City! Wa, wa, wa...I know; not exactly the most exciting place on Earth but it was good enough for Dorothy!

The hubs and I are going to Phoenix at the end of May but decided we needed a quick get-a-way to tide us over for two more grueling months. Kansas City is only 8 hours away and it just happens to be Opening Weekend for the Royals. Coincidence? I think not.

So we're taking a four-day weekend over Easter and driving our butts to Kansas City. But first, we are going to Opening Day at Coors Field. I'm a little torn about this for several reasons:

1) I'm so happy it's finally baseball season again!
2) I've never been to Opening Day and it's something every baseball fan should do.
3) Opening Day is chocked FULL of non-baseball fans. Opening Day is ripe for bandwagon fans and people just looking for the thrill of saying they went to Opening Day; this is the reason why tickets for Friday are basically sold out but Saturday is wide opened. Oh well :)

It Takes Me Back

2009-03-19T16:28:00.003-04:00

Today I was instantly transported to my old best friend's basement when we were 13. I heard a song I haven't heard in years and it splashed me back down to 1997. The song is highly embarrassing but it's "Invisible Man" by 98 Degrees. Yes, my friend and I liked them and loved that cheesy song. We even tried to get to the Barnes and Noble when they were in Denver but alas, we couldn't rollerblade that far.

So much has changed in the 12-13 years since then. I'm not even friends with her anymore which in some ways makes my heart a little sad. We both had our reasons for going our separate ways and maybe in a way it's a good thing. I still miss her and think of her and worry for her though.

But for four minutes and 41 seconds, I was transport back to that basement, to a time and place that was much simpler.

Thanks Cheesy Radio Station for playing that song during a day I needed a little break from reality.

I'm On the Hunt

2009-03-12T17:34:00.004-04:00

I need a new mp3 player. The hubs got me one about 4 1/2 years ago when I was flying to Florida to help move my sister out there. He knows how nervous I am when I fly and he wanted to get me something that would help me take my mind off being 30,000 feet in the air in a tin can that can be taken down by a flock of friggin' geese.

Color me surprised that 4 1/2 years later it actually still works. Almost no piece of technology I've ever owned still worked correctly even 2 years after I bought it. However, in the past few months I've taken up running. Yes, I know. I used to only run when chased; now I actually do it for fun. It's freeing and I love being outside with the wind in my hair, trying not to die as I round the corner and stumble over my own two feet.

The mp3 player I have now doesn't have an armband and I'm sick of having to carry it in one hand. I want something that will either fit in an armband or clip on to me. I think I've narrowed it down to a SanDisk Sansa Clip. All together..."say what now?"

This little beauty, in blue :) It's smaller than the palm of your hand, has a clip on the back for..well..clipping to things, and it's 2GB.

One might ask, "But why didn't you just get an ipod shuffle?" *Ahem* Brian. I refuse to conform to the man! Apple has gone quite far to intice people like me to buy an ipod shuffle. It's small, it comes in fun colors, it clips to your clothing, blah blah blah. To me, it's overpriced and Apple only let's you downloan specific things to it. I want an mp3 player that doesn't dictate where I can and can't get my music from.

Good try Apple. I refuse to be swayed by your fancy colors and cuteness!

The Evil Tax Man

2009-03-03T13:06:00.005-05:00

I hate...let me repeat that...HATE tax season. I'm married with a home, a little retirement, no dependents. Basically, I should just about break even every year. However, I'm also a freelance writer and make some money doing that. It's not really enough to blip Uncle Sam's radar if I don't declare it but I'm an honest person so I do.

So apparently being honest really screws you. My hubby and I ended up paying the federal government $300 this year. Yes, I know that's better than thousands, but are you flippin' kidding me? I bust my ass all year with an hour and a half commute to a job so I can pay mortgage on my house and bills and a few luxuries I afford myself; we're already paying more in taxes for the SECOND $700 billion "stimulus"; Colorado just passed a law to add MORE taxes onto car registration; And you're telling me I owe the government MORE money??

I'm glad my $300 will go towards individuals who made bad decisions by buying a home when they couldn't afford it. I'm glad my $300 will go towards teaching kids how to live green in the midst of people losing their jobs by the tens of thousands, but at least we'll be green. I'm glad my $300 will go towards buying OTHER people out of their own greedy mistakes.

Who Turned on the Light?

2009-02-24T16:29:00.002-05:00

I leave my house at 6:30 in the morning so I can make it to work by 8:00. Usually it's pitch-black and I have to turn my headlights on so I can take the trash to the curb and don't run over anything.

This morning, it was so light outside I almost didn't even need my headlights to drive to the park-and-ride. Here comes Spring!

Here's the thing about Colorado: It's supposed to be cold and snowy in the winter, right? Wrong, apparently. If it's supposed to snow in the winter, then it needs to snow and be cold. If it's not supposed to snow in the winter then it's fine to be warm and sunny. It basically needs to either be Buffalo or Phoenix, but Colorado really needs to pick one!

Uh oh!!

2009-02-20T17:37:00.003-05:00

Oh man, I'm in trouble. I just spotted Reese's eggs on the Easter asile at Target. I'm ADDICTED to these! MMMMMMM....yummy!

It's a Great Day to Be Alive

2009-02-20T11:43:00.002-05:00

I love this song by Travis Tritt. I haven't heard it in a little while but it was on the radio this morning while I was driving to the park-and-ride. I started singing and got goosebumps because this song is so relevant right now.

The chorus is:
It's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes
There's some hard time in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

Life is hard right now. My company may close in about 6 weeks, people are getting laid off, losing their homes, and it's just a really trying time for American's right now. But this song reminds me I need to focus on the good things that make me lucky to be alive:

My amazing husband who is everything to me.
My home in Ft. Collins that I just love so much.
My two crazy cats that never cease to entertain me.
My family who would do anything for me.
Friends like fertile Merkl :)
My education that was fun to get and I'm proud of.
The fact that I'm healthy and able.
Friends that get me through the work day.

Shame, Shame

2009-02-10T13:14:00.004-05:00

JUST when baseball fans were thinking we could finally start putting the steroid era behind us, A-Rod tested positive for anabolic steroids while he was a Texas Ranger and now all his records are in question. Are you kidding me??

It's not just that he was on steroids, it's that he lied about it...through his teeth...on national television. when the Mitchell Report came out in 2006, he volunteered to go on the record about never using or even being tempted to use. Why on earth would you volunteer to be interviewed about a lie?

Granted, the tests in question were supposed to be anonymous and then destroyed. The players union totally screwed the pooch on not following up on destroying them, but still.

Damn you A-Rod, no wonder Madonna dumped you!

Yummy Dinner

2009-02-10T12:36:00.002-05:00

The hubs and I have been very bored with our dinner menu. We have some staples on there like stir-fry and pasta and what not, but we've been in a bit of a "food funk", if you will.

Last night was a nice departure from the funk. We had salmon on the menu which is usually pretty ho-hum, but last night I kicked it up a notch! We ended up having cajun salmon, broccoli and pasta roni and let me tell you...it was GOOD! I think it was a might on the spicy side and overpowered the flavor of the salmon but it was my first try and dang tasty.

I put cajun seasoning, crushed red pepper (note: do NOT get it near your eyes...trust me!), and salt in a bowl then poured it over the salmon fillet and spread it around. I put two teaspoons of the red pepper but I think maybe 1 1/2 would've been better.

Never-the-less, it was tasty and I was quite impressed with myself :) I'm trying to do more of the cooking lately since I love to cook.

Long Overdue Update

2009-02-06T17:12:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can't believe it's February 6th already. Before you know it it'll be my birthday, then my 3rd wedding anniversary (yay!) and before you can says "summer weather" one of my best friends will be giving birth! The next six months are going to be crazy.

I've been a little bit of a recluse lately, online and in real life. Things have come up lately that have me questioning my path in life and what actually makes me happy. My company is not doing well and there's a very strong possibility I could be laid off come April. I have very mixed emotions about it ranging from glad to sad to scared. It starts me thinking whether I want to take another admin job because it pays the bills or if I want to start down a different path.

Steve's job is going well and he really likes it. There's a possibility of a great promotion in about a year and that would most likely mean a move out of Colorado. Again, mixed emotions. I would be sad to leave family and a few close friends but I'm really restless in this state. I'm definitely more of a northeast girl but most anywhere but here would be fine with me. I just feel like Steve and I can spread our wings a little more if we left and there would be more opportunities for Steve to advance his career. If I'm just stuck in an admin position, I can do that anywhere.

There are other things going around in my head but those are the biggest. Because of the problems at my current company I feel I'm in a constant state of limbo. I can't go back but I'm not allowed to go forward yet. I can't make plans and, if you know me, not being able to plan for anything makes me feel completely out of control.

I just have to remember I can't worry about things I can't control and I need to do the best with what I have; a loving, wonderful, supportive husband, a strong family and a hell of a resume! ;)

Cheese!

2009-01-21T14:30:00.001-05:00

Behind Blue Eyes...and a Margarita Glass

Rough Day

Skinny

Magazine Friday

You Said What?

Thankful

You Can Laugh in here Ya Know

Welcome to the NICU

Hello, My Name is Mommy

So you're having a preemie...

Prematurity Awareness Month

IKEA is great, but...

Mom2Mom

What Gets Your Goat

Owning

Annoyed With Food

Ten Things Tuesday (TWO days late)

Ten Things Tuesday (a day late)

Card

Ten Things Tuesday

10 Things Tuesday

URG!!!

Life According To....

March for Babies

Changed For Life

Preemie Moms

Cooler Rules

Admitting

Hard Day

Don't Call Me Tiny

This is My December

RIP

My View

A Letter

The Neighborhood

It's Official...

I wonder...

23 Weeks

NY Baby Shower

21 Weeks

LOVE This Song

DWTS

Pizza Today

Earlier Belly Pics

19 Weeks

Alright...

Funny

Ch-ch-ch-changes

*Want*

Yum-O

I Have a Problem

I'm "One of Those"

My Poor Little Kindle

Life According to....

I'm in Love

Italian Kids Vs. American Kids

My Life According To...

My Life According To...

Happy (almost) New Year!

Things I'm Loving

Self Diagnosis

I Thought I Still Lived in Colorado

Hello Strangers!

Right and Wrong

Phoenix Photos

Overheard

Preggers

You Down with G.O.D.?

FYI, I'm Not Stupid

Weird Habit

Caged Bird

Overheard

Glee

Movie Night?

Tip

Thought

A Shout Out

On a Serious Note..

Overheard

Overheard

Want